When I was young it was very important to learn how to have class on the bike. There were older guys on the group rides and races that I used to do in NYC who would gently scold me, in the way only a New Yorker can, and I would ride, race and learn. It seems to me that there are no Lords of the Group Ride out here in P.C. Land.
Is it that everyone is so terrified to say anything in case they insult another rider? Guess what- I'm more insulted when you ride/race with no class. Examples as follows:
- Decide where you're riding before you go out with your buddies. None of this "I'll see how I feel when I get out there" bullshite.
- Either race, or don't. I don't care which one you pick, just don't sit at the front of the pack and not pull through, you f*cking wanker (this is applicable to faux-races too) You're a wet blanket so get away from the front.
- Attack- you'll learn a lot about yourself off the front
- If you sit on a breakaway and tell guys you won't sprint, keep to your word you f*cking ponce
- No sudden attacks on mellow group rides (unless group ride is group faux-race that weekend warriors justify their carbon fiber purchases on). If you feel the need to go harder explain to your fellow riders- they'll understand. If they don't- don't ride with them anymore.
- Don't get in the way of guys that want to ride harder than you.
- Don't tell me "We can talk about it in the parking lot after the race" You really want to? Really? Ask yourself again and grip.
- Don't try and steal another rider's bottles out of the hands of his feeder. Get your own friends & family, or ask before the race, or carry an extra bottle.
- Don't try to "block" you f*cking wanker. No class- just stay out of the way. If you suddenly find yourself right in line to pull through, pull through and go back to the end of the line. If you feel the need to "block" you're telling me that you've no faith in your teammate up the road.
- Realize when you're in the laughing group and have a laugh- you've been dropped, let it go. There's always another race. If you want to pull, then pull- just don't get frustrated when the guys in the group sit on as they know the race is over.
- If you've intervals to do, go do them, just not on a group ride. NO one on it cares how fast you think you are.
- Don't ever ask another rider where his helmet is if he'd not wearing one. What do you care? Do you see me at your office telling you what I think you're doing wrong at your job? Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness- look it up.
- Aerobars have no place at a group ride. Go do Ironman- your buddies are there, not here.
- Clean your bike, Pigpen.- and lube it too. $5000.00 bike and you can't afford WD-40? Wanker.
- Stop turning around, the finish line is in front of you. If you're that insecure about seeing the wind go pack and hide your yellow ass in the pack, otherwise, pull through and STFU.
- No halfwheeling in a two by two paceline- ever, you f*cking retard.